More than you care to know about my current health issues

My grandma is too funny.

Today I taught my first violin lesson in Chicago. It turned out to be a bit more interesting than it should have been because my body is a piece of crap. For those of you who would rather skip the details of my medical issues (a few individuals come immediately to mind), I've put the part of the story worth your reading in purple. There's still puking, but nothing too graphic. The rest of this post mainly exists because I feel like crap and want to complain in as much detail as possible.

Wednesday I had the nasty migraine that snuck up on me in a nasty, sneaky way. Thursday I was somewhat cracked-out on medication, but the migraine had broken and I was reasonably ok. This morning I was fine. I had a cup of coffee and spent too long trying to do my makeup and was out the door for work by 7:20 AM. I completely forgot to take my Effexor. Annoying, but not the end of the world. The withdrawal symptoms (hot and cold flashes, nausea, dizziness, heart racing, generally shitty feeling) suck monkey balls, but I'd be home by 4-ish, so it shouldn't have been a big deal. Around 1:15 PM, I start feeling all hot and cold and dizzy and nauseous. I've been working on reorganizing the closet spaces at work and Friday afternoons are relatively calm, so I shut myself up in the art room and spent a solid 45 minutes sorting the supplies. By this time I was extremely hot and nauseous, but I figured I couldn't abandon the the other JK teacher forever so I came back to the class and put on my happy face. My happy face wasn't very good and I had to excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I made it to the downstairs temple grown-up bathroom in time to puke my guts out. It was the kind of puke I do when I'm having food allergy issues. It's a peanut-free school, so I can't imagine lunch contained peanut oil, but I did eat a lot of the chicken tempura with sweet and sour sauce, which could very well have contained a lot of lemon juice. I rinsed out my mouth and ate an apple and was glad that my sickliness was just something I ate because it was out now and that should be the end of it. Back to class to help dismiss the kids.

Rebecca (who is "4 1/2 which is more than 4 1/4") had been excited all day because she knew I was taking her home for her first violin lesson. I was excited too. Once the other kids were all accounted for, Rebecca and I packed up and headed to my car. I still felt really crappy, but I'd just puked and it was getting to be the time of day it actually made sense for the Effexor withdrawal to kick in. We made a quick pit stop at my apartment and I took my pills (I take three 75 mg Effexor bad-boys) and then on to Rebecca's house for the lesson. This house is huge and gorgeous and they're trying to sell it so it's completely immaculate. Lisa (Rebecca's mom) had one of the twin babies in a snuggly around her neck and the other in an automatic rocker thing. They were watching Baby Einstein on the huge plasma TV. Rebecca debated how many chicken fingers and noodles she had to eat for snack before having the chocolate bar one of the parents brought in for a Shabbat treat and I drank a glass of water hoping to settle my stomach. We got through about 15 minutes of lesson before I had to excuse myself to "go to the bathroom." More puking.
Rebecca called through the door, "Morah Jill? Did you throw up?" I answered that I had and I heard the door start to open and Lisa yelling "Leave the door closed so she can have some privacy!" When I finally opened the door to come out, Rebecca tumbled in as she had been sitting leaned against it. "Are you done yet? Can we go back to the violin?" I was amused and embarrassed. Lisa made me sit down and drink another glass of water while I tried to explain that it was not the stomach flu and that I knew better than to come diseased into a house with infants and that I had some food allergy things blah blah blah. Mind you at this point I wasn't so sure myself what the hell my body was doing or why, but considering how unprofessional this was going I wanted to put her at least somewhat at ease. I finished the lesson (stickers and practice chart and all) and as I packed up Rebecca was allowed three bites of her chocolate bar, which she tried to argue into more as her mom told her to save the rest for dinner. The last thing I heard after our goodbyes was, "Don't you dare take another bite! ...Rebecca!"

I think I'll try to call them tomorrow when I'm more functional and try to salvage some level of professionalism on my part. Definitely the worst first lesson I've ever taught, though.

After I got back to my apartment I was unbelievably hot and woozy and still nauseous. The cool outside air felt good so I was able to empty the dog, but then I came back in, stripped down to my underwear and passed out on my bed. I woke up a few hours later feeling extremely Effexor withdrawal-y. I must have puked too soon after taking the pills, and while they dissolved enough in me to not be floating around in my vomit (I warned you this got graphic), they clearly weren't fully in my system. I called Doctor Dad to ask him what to do, but my parents' cell phones were off so I decided to just take one more Effexor and see if that did the trick. I also hadn't eaten since my body got rid of my lunch and the apple, so I made some chunky soup and baked the baby challah we braided at school (I did my own so it's booger-free) and tried to distract myself from how shitty I still felt. Two hours later, I felt a bit better but still clearly withdrawing from the medication, so I took one more Effexor. Now, it is quite late, I still feel like crap, and I'm not taking a third pill because I'm worried now that I've got too much in my system or maybe it's something else and I just have no fucking clue. My head hurt a bit and I thought it could be more migraine-related stuff, so I took my Migranal just in case. The little bit of head hurt is gone, but I still feel awful in a very strange way. No aches, not fluish, but it's this weird kind of woozy I normally associate with Effexor withdrawal and migraine cycles. I'm also still really nauseous but I know I need to keep food in me so I'm poking at Wheatables and drinking cold water with a tea bag in it for a little something more and trying to get to a point where I can fall asleep and hopefully be better in the morning. I can fix my Effexor cycle tomorrow and I'm afraid a lot of this is related to a looming whopper of a headache, but that wouldn't explain the puking the way I puked. My body does two different kinds of nauseous and puking. One way clearly comes from my head. It's when I'm dizzy or migrainey and it makes me throw up. The nausea lives mainly in the back of my throat and it's much more the gagging sort of puke. I hate this kind of puke (though far less actually comes up), because I don't even feel better after since the food wasn't the issue.
The other kind of puke is the stomach problem puke. That's when my body rejects something it's eaten or has the flu. This comes much more from my gut. I'll cramp and grumble and then my body says "haha, you thought you could eat THAT?" and out it comes, largely undigested. This is the puke that involves much more quantity, but it's over when it's over. I can go from zero to vomit to fine again very quickly. Much more efficient.
Drunk puking is the great confounder, because it is both kinds of puke at once. My stomach is trying to get things out while my head spins, causing the gaggy-throat puke. I absolutely hate drunk puking.

Maybe someone slipped me some booze in my sweet and sour sauce. That might explain some of the feeling. But in case I haven't complained enough, I feel like shit. I have prescription anti-nausea pills that actually help break migraine cycles and knock me out, but they also make me feel weird and like I need to jump out of my skin, so I generally avoid taking them. I took half of one before I started writing this, which was like an hour or so ago. I think it may actually be kicking in as I'm starting to feel sleepy. Either that or the fact that it's 1:23 AM and I had a long odd day has me sleepy. Drugs are the problem and the solution. I'm on too many pills (though I'm off most of my dailies) but then I feel really gross and I want it to stop and I go tearing through my medicine cabinet for anything that could possibly make me better. Not smart. I need a nurse. Preferably one who is dark and handsome and can cook and clean in a loincloth.

Sleep shall set me free.