memory corndogs

I'm having weird loneliness issues, probably stemming from a combination of purposefully reliving my middle-school-aged years (for a potential musical...that better not jinx it), hanging out with Zach last night (funny how good times can make you sadder afterward), lack of sunlight, and general personal dumb-ass musings about loves lost and never had. According to one excellent West Wing episode from several seasons ago, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is when you can't think about the trauma without reliving it. If that is the case, I think I have PTSD but the trauma was just the entire growing-up experience. It's the problem with having a good memory: I can remember and refeel pretty much everything from the past 6ish years and a whole lot from the past 10 and even a good number from the past 17 and a few things back to before I was 2. I know that's supposed to be biologically impossible, but I have a distinct memory (brought on by the smell of Zwieback biscuits) that my mother confirms makes sense with my experience in my first apartment that we moved out of when I was less than a year and a half.

I have yet to find a chemical that gives me a break from getting stuck inside my head. TV comes close, but I still can't help thinking. I need something simultaneously non-stressful and all-consuming. Any suggestions? Please?

To bed. Long day tomorrow with helping out at school during the teacher-appreciation lunch and afternoon with the first grade, then to Nettlehorst for another 3+ hours.

Shut up, brain. I need to fucking sleep.