In short

[Insert joke about me being short and this being the short version of my weekend HERE]

Having to be fake for big fake family shit is exhausting. It can be fun and I enjoy a number of my relatives, but the Shiny Happy People Show is both pointless and draining and I can't help but put on my own Shiny Happy shell because I want them to think I am Shiny and Happy in the pre-prescribed way that Shiny Happiness is supposed to manifest itself. A small handful of us exchanges meaningful glances and steal moments of meaningful conversation, but I do worry I'm like my mom, with even the "meaningful" glances being highly deliberate and self-conscious and their own form of plastic fake bullshit. Just so much bullshit.

And somewhere in this bullshit, I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I'm a grownup and my birthday isn't likely to be all balloons and parties anymore. Birthdays have always been important to me, but maybe it's time I accept that Jill's 24th Birthday isn't going to be the #1 priority on my friends' lists. Thank you very very much to my friends who did call and/or send general birthday wishes and love, as these things really do get my serotonin pumping, but maybe it's time to lower my birthday expectations so I won't be so disappointed and lonely when the world doesn't stop in my honor.

Tonight I went over to my other cousin Josh and his wife Vicky's apartment and watched TV and drank Mike's Hard Cranberry and ordered in Chinese. They got me a cake that we didn't eat because I brought over the leftover cake from yesterday. It was perfect. The contrast to Shiny Happy Weekend was incredible, and it was perfect.